West Side Story in 90 seconds

The following needs to be presented at the speed of a very fast thing.

Narrator: We present West Side Story - in ninety seconds. In the first part we see the dramatic tension between the two gangs.

There is a huge roar offstage, and two groups of people hurtle towards each other and beat each other up.

Narrator: This is stopped by two policemen.

Enter Krupke and Schrank.

Policemen: Oy!

The fighting stops abruptly.

Policemen: No!

Exeunt omnes rapidly, except narrator.

Narrator: We meet the main players of the piece.

Enter Maria.

Maria: I hate sewing.

Exeunt. Enter Tony.

Tony: I hate beating people up.

Exeunt.

Narrator: We proceed to the dance at the gym.

Again a huge roar. This time the two gangs run at each other, stop, and start dancing very understatedly.

Narrator: The lovers meet.

Exeunt gangs. Enter Tony and Maria. Arms spread wide, they run towards each other.

Maria: [romantically] Tony!

Tony: [ditto] Maria!

They meet.

Maria: [romantically] Tony!

Tony: [ditto] Maria!

They pass.

Maria: [confused] Tony?

Tony: [ditto] Maria?

Arms flailing, they hurtle offstage.

Maria: [exiting] Tonyyyyyyyyy!

Tony: [ditto] Mariaaaaaaa!

Narrator: Some semblance of plot is established.

Voice: [offstage] There's going to be a fight!

Enter Tony, running. Finger held up in a sort of Baby John / Robin from Batman kind of style.

Tony: I'll stop it!

He exits, running.

Narrator: Another fight.

Huge roar. Two gangs run in and start hitting each other.

Narrator: [Slightly annoyed] Between two people.

Fighting halts. Rather dejectedly, the gangs take up opposing positions. Two members (doesn't really matter who - it's comedy) come to the front and stab each other casually, look at each other, then collapse. In a funny way.

Narrator: Followed by a free for all.

Fighting resumes.

Narrator: Meanwhile.....

Quick exeunt omnes.

Enter Maria.

Maria: I'm going to marry Tony.

Enter Tony.

Tony: I killed your brother.

Maria: You are awful. But I love you.

Exeunt

Narrator: A bit more plot.

Enter Anita and gang, on opposing sides.

Anita: Maria's been shot.

Exit Anita. Gang crosses to other side of the stage. Enter Tony.

Gang: [together] MARIA'S DEAD!!

Tony: Bugger.

Exeunt.

Narrator: And finally......

Enter Tony on one side, Maria on the other.

Tony: Hang on, aren't you.....

Gunshot. Tony collapses, in a funny way. Enter Gang rapidly, who remove Tony and exit. Maria, slightly confused, exits.

Narrator: All this is punctuated at various points by music and song ..... which we've left out for reasons of interest. If you've been timing this, then you're very sad. Thank you.

Exit.

The End.

Updated 29/5/98 by JWES